I'm terrible with advice but please know you're not alone in your struggles. I too have been fat my entire life and 6 years ago I was where you are, except I was at least 420lb. I was depressed to the point that leaving the house every week to work my one 8-hour shift took literally every ounce of strength I had. I spent my 30th birthday taking a class with a nutritionist. It was a requirement for the lapband surgery I was planning to have. She sat there showing me meal plans full of lettuce and Greek yogurt and all I could think about was the birthday cake I'd be inhaling when I got home. I didn't go through with the surgery because I knew my issue isn't my body...it's my mind. To make a very, very long story short I managed to lose 160lbs. I'm not saying it has been easy by any means. I still have 100lb to go and I struggle with it every. single. day. I hit my lowest weight in Oct and since then I've crept back up 20lb. It's a daily, constant thing.
I don't pretend to know what you're going through and I hope I don't come across as though I do. I can't imagine the pain you must feel. I guess I just wanted you to know that even though you may feel very much alone we are all here pulling for you.
If I may offer one small piece of advice it would be to take it one small goal at a time. If you look at how far you have to go overall you will be overwhelmed before you start. It's much easier to focus on a week or two out. Maybe start with a goal of a 5lb loss by XX date. Who cares if 5lb gone seems insignificant in the scheme of things? A goal met is a goal met and that's every reason to celebrate. Yes, you're probably going to have days where you feel like a failure but if you keep at it you'll also have days where you kick so much ass you won't be able to believe it and that fire will fuel you to hit your next goal. I have no doubt you can do this. Hang in there and to echo what someone else said, be kind to yourself. You have been through an incredible amount and it's tough not to beat yourself up but you are absolutely worth the effort and I can't wait to see your after pics.