I know exactly how you feel... my parents got into huge fights all of the time growing up, kicking my siblings out of the house over petty reasons that made me afraid of growing up, and i had no real friends since i was 10. I used to do great in school until one summer where my life turned upside down, my brother came out as a homosexual, my religious parents got mad and kicked him out of the house when i was 9. I had a phase with my self from 11-13 where i thought i was gay (im bi now but it has no relevance), itold people i thought were my friends but they spread rumors around the school that got my bullied, i had surgery on my leg for a bone tumor and went into homeschooling so i lost all physical connection to people, which was good at the time but turned into my own private hell. I became suicidal and my first attempt was a fail because i didnt know how physics worked, you need a strong rope and a strong branch and to be a lot less fat to hang yourself. my second attempt was when i was 14 with a knife, tried to slit my throat, and inch or two in i changed my mind and busted out crying.

A week after that my life changed entirely. I found the love of my life over the internet... a family that treated me like their own. They gave me the first reasons i needed to keep on living, then encouraged me to pursue my dreams, which im still in the process of, there is always shit that gets me down in the dumps from time to time but im always able to pick myself back up by being a lot more positive and not so pessimistic.

I look back at the pain and suffering as a good thing, it grew me up and it allowed me to see life through a different perspective.

My best advice is to not have any regrets, ever. You WILL fuck up and you HAVE fucked up, but that is in the past and eventually will be. Failure and regrets are a part of life but instead of looking at them in a negative way, learn from them, allow it to fuel you to keep trying and not anchor your down to sadness and depression.

I dont mean to boast, but attempt to cheer you up knowing some one who has experienced the same thing held on for long enough to find everything they needed and wanted. Never let go :)