i think im having a "crisis of faith" :(

Are you willing to throw away the deen (that you know and state to be the truth) because of human men? Sis, snap out of it.

Ask yourself, how did the Prophet (peace be upon him) treat his wife. Did he prevent Khadija from essentially being his boss? He worked for her and it is through his honesty and hard work that she took an interest in him. He treated his other (later) wives kindly and with patience. It is men who want to control their wives and abuse their power by controlling their movements, income, and autonomy. This is why sisters need to stipulate in their nikah contract that they will continue to work (be it at home, part-time, full-time), own their own bank account, and that "obedience" can only be established with trust, honesty, understanding and kindness. For example, a just king/queen or leader leads his/her "people" but only when his/her "people" trust him/her and know that he/she is honest, kind, and understanding.

/r/Hijabis Thread