I had sent a reply, but it doesn't seem to be showing anymore. I'm kind of new to Reddit, so not sure if it went through or not.

Whether it adds up to you or not, I never tried to hurt my wife. I love her so very much, and I could never do anything to hurt her. The only thing still keeping me going is the hope that she will realize that. We never had a safeword because we had never needed one. No never meant yes for us. We never did anything designed to hurt each other, and if either of us had ever said "no" or "stop" or anything like that then we stopped. She came home that night, and had been drinking apparently more than I thought. She didn't look drunk. Just a little tipsy. When I asked her about her night out she said she had just had a couple drinks. I had been planning since early that morning when I dropped her off for her final to surprise her when she got home. We hadn't had sex in a while because of my heart, and a while before that because my sex drive just wasn't what it should be anymore. I think the medication I'd been taking had kind of killed that. She used to think that it was because she wasn't attractive enough or because it was somehow her fault, and I hated knowing she felt like that. Even worse was that she'd gotten an insulin pump lately, and thought that it made her unattractive. I wanted her to know that I didn't care about any of that, and that I loved her no matter what. I'd even told her that I'd made plans for when she got home in a text earlier that day when she said she was going to go help setup for the party instead of coming home first. She asked me if I wanted her to come home instead, but I told her I'd just see her when she got home. I wanted her to have fun with her friends. She works hard all the time, and I wanted her to have fun that night. When she came home I went in to do exactly what I'd been planning since that morning. We started kissing and stuff like that, and she even asked me to help her with her shirt when it got stuck while she was taking it off. We went back to kissing and all that, and while I was taking her underwear off I thought it would be sexy to rip it off instead. We went back to kissing and fondling each other, and at some point along the way there was 1 or 2 slaps. That was something that we did with a fair amount of frequency because she liked it. I never felt really with that, and even she admitted that I was never comfortable doing so in her statement. At this point my heart was beating so fast that I could barely stand, and she asked me if my heart was okay. I pretended that I was fine because I didn't want to ruin our night together. I asked her to put in an anal-plug, and for her to meet me out at the couch. I kissed her, and went out to try and catch my breath while I waited. A few minutes later she came out, and started going down on me like I had asked her to. She even started fingering my ass a little completely on her own. She didn't seem scared at all. She seemed really into everything, and was even improvising. After a few minutes of her going down on me we switched. I started going down on her, but my heart started going into tachycardia again. I told her I needed a minute, and I tried to catch my breath. It took a bit for me to catch my breath, and by the time I looked up she was starting to nod off a little. I told her that we could just do this another night instead since I couldn't breathe and she was falling asleep. We snuggled together on the couch for a while, and she asked me if there was anything she could do for me. The only thing she seemed concerned about at all was whether I was okay or not. She went and got me a drink of water, and I told her I needed to get my heart monitor from the car. She told me that she would get it for me, and that she didn't want me to have to walk all that way with my heart bothering me. I've got avascular necrosis in my hip also, so I kind of limp everywhere. I'm supposed to have surgery soon to fix it. She got dressed, and went out to get my monitor. If she'd been upset she has a friend in one of the next buildings, and I don't even know which one. She could have gone and hid over there or something, but instead she came back in.