Wow.

Honestly, this is probably as safe a place as any to tell people. Not sure how the crowds elsewhere might react -- would be worried that the far right people would have unkind words for her, which she does not deserve, and you do not deserve to have to see.

First off, you need to keep yourself safe and you need support in doing that. Perhaps look at support and therapy not as a way to convince you of something, or to undo the past, but rather as a support in keeping yourself safe and moving forward through the grief. Ruining another life on top of what has already been lost cannot change that loss.

As for your guilt, look.... you're nowhere near the first or last person to not prevent a suicide, or to be absorbed by your own fantasies/wishes/expectations to the point of not seeing someone else's pain and point of view. And you are certainly not the first one to be completely duped by the lies and indoctrination of religion/social controls.

There is an evil, dangerous, poisonous lie being told over and over again by millions of people around the world, and it is this: "Every woman always wants to be a mother."

It is 100% a lie and it is pure poison that everyone needs to stop drinking.

It is a lie in the animal kingdom, and it is a lie in humans.

Many here can tell you that faced with a choice of dying or being a parent, the choice would be death.

It is a choice that we do all in our power to ensure that we don't have to make, seeking out long term BC options with higher effectiveness, seeking sterilization at young ages, and always having an emergency fund for abortion costs at all times.

Now, back to you. A lot of people, faced with similar tragedies as yours have found a way forward in "making sure that this does not happen to anyone else."

Telling your story here is potentially a step in that direction. You might think about other steps you can take. We can perhaps offer some suggestions if you want them at some point.

Tl;DR: We are all individual humans, unique and irreplaceable people, with our own desires and demons and we must learn to carefully listen to what each of us are saying and not what some Priest or parent or the idiot cashier at the supermarket tells us that we, or someone else, should feel or do or believe. It is the only way for us all to live our best lives.