You can't always tell how you effect the world around, or what other people think about you. It's easy to feel unlovable, especially after being rejected, but if I had to venture a guess, you have had a more positive Impact than you seem to think.

I've got to say, your story makes me really sad, but it also sounds very familiar.

I was a Junior in high school, and I had just recently failed an audition for my schools drumline. I was already feeling inadequate about not making the cut, but to make things worse, all of my friends were in the band, and didn't have time to hang out, so I felt completely abandoned. My only other social interactions came from the school newspaper, where I felt like a complete outsider, and a small volunteer group I was in. I had befriended a girl in the volunteer group, and placed a lot of my self-worth on our friendship. After a couple months though I got a text from an old friend (who had also abandoned me a little bit) saying that this girl was talking about me and said that no one really liked me and that she only put up with me to be nice. Needless to say, that was probably the lowest I've ever felt in my life. I felt like I was stupider, and uglier, and more annoying than anyone who had ever lived.

Flash forward a few years, and I came to find out that a lot of those people I knew in Newspaper had been very fond of me. They thought I was funny and insightful, they thought my writing was interesting, I even found out that a couple of my editors had a crush on me (though I was too down on myself at the time to notice any hints).

I'm sorry you feel the way you do, I'm sorry your friends have been mean and that your family is making life difficult, and I'm really sorry that you don't think your life is worth living. But from one mentally ill person to another, life is never as bad as your brains makes it out to be. You are loved, and you are capable of so much good. The faster you get help, the faster your going to be able to appreciate that.