Hi, u/heyitsmeagainnn. I’m fairly certain you don’t want to kill yourself. You specifically asked for someone to talk you out of it. I think that right there is proof enough that you want to live, and based on nothing but your age(I don’t know your story), you have a lot ahead of you.

For reference, I’m 47. I remember how hopeless I got to feeling at times when I was young. I was overweight (still am), was bullied, had very few friends, and the ones I did have seemed willing to change with the direction of the wind whether it not they were my friend in any given day. I went to Catholic school, and I periodically have what I feel are memory fragments of what I think may have been abuse at the hands of priests. I haven’t pulled at that thread, and I’m not sure I ever will. I grew up in a complicated/difficult household, and had what felt like insurmountable self esteem issues.

The self esteem issues which, I won’t lie - I still experience at times, got in the way of making new friends, talking to girls, advocating for myself in situations where I would have benefited from being able to, and dating. I went on one date at about 19/20 that went horribly, due to my poor ability to initiate/maintain conversation, and I didn’t date again until 26.

There’s more, but at the end of the day, it’s irrelevant, and ultimately we’re here to talk about you. My point in telling you all of this, is that we all have our own hand to play, to use a metaphor. Some of us have a more difficult hand to play. Some of us don’t enjoy the game until we learn how to play it after years of trying. No one can say with 100% certainty that your life will get better, but I suspect it will. Try to seek help if you haven’t yet, and look for positivity where you may never have seen it before.

You may feel compelled to harm or kill yourself, but years from now, you will look back and be glad you didn’t. Feel free to DM if you you want to talk privately.