I know those days (sobbing in bed) more than you can know and even that is a good thing to me when you're only allowed anger or laughter. Anything else is unacceptable. It took the death of my younger brother to bring me back from the clinically depressed state I was in. Again, I know how all of this feels. I can't pretend to tell you how you feel because that would be disingenuous. I have a similar background and I'm not going to say that your pain is less than mine. For now, I'm just hoping you know that there's someone that has gone through something similar that you've gone through. In that we can possibly develop some type of friendship. Just know that I'm not soft and squishy. That's beaten out of me by like 12yrs old? I've found that only the anger in myself has worked, like the type you've shown in your words towards me has been the only thing that has actually gotten me out of bed when the drugs no longer worked.

I think I might know what you've been through and would rather help you than just pat you on the back and tell you everything's going to be alright as I'm sure everyone that has no clue about your trauma has told you. I'm not going to tell you to learn to love yourself because if you're where I'm at, it's like someone trying to pour you and everyone else some tea when you don't even have a cup in your hands for them to pour it into. All you've got is some broken pieces of what looked like a cup. Your childhood's been shattered and you've got no idea how you're supposed to go from baby to adult, to "gotta get the fuck out of here right this second". It doesn't go away. The memories don't go away. What you learn is how you can make sense of them in your adult life now. If you have CPTSD, it came from a long time in an abusive home where your only move was to curl up into a ball and hide somewhere. I know this feeling very well.

I guess what I should've first said was I think I might have an idea of how you feel. If you wish to talk with me about it, I might have some pointers to help you along your path of recovery. But I didn't, and that's okay, because we all learn and then the moment is gone and we're on to the next moment and its challenges.