Well I was up until a couple weeks ago so I'll share my tale of woe because I'm obviously not over it yet.

In an open marriage, met this guy in December, supposedly for a FWB arrangement, but we really hit it off, had incredible chemistry, etc. But I knew the guy was leaving the country for good in a couple months. Despite that I fell for him anyway, asked him if he felt we were more than FWB, he said it was complicated, I told him I should stop seeing him but he convinced me to anyway, made it clear he liked me a lot too, but flakes on me sometimes or fails to make plans, which makes me feel rejected and we repeat this pattern of "what the hell are we doing" for the two months he's here.

After he leaves I ask if he wants to try something long distance, he isn't sure, but he says he fell in love with me but knows I can't deal with his inability to commit to anything. Cue repetition of pattern of "I can't talk to you anymore if you can't offer me anything more regular" and his inability to cut off contact with me for another month.

I can't figure out why a single guy who is clearly crazy about me is unable to commit to anything, start doing some serious Googling, and I find out whoops, he's married with a child! He comes clean, gives me a SOB story about the state of his marriage, that part of the reason he didn't cut off contact is because he wasn't sure if his wife was going to proceed with a divorce or not, so he was hoping there was some way we could be together in the future or at least be friends. I'm furious with him, but sympathetic to his situation (assuming I'm not being fed a line, but the whole thing is so convoluted/pathetic that I actually do believe him).

We end up keeping in contact because he's traveling for work during that month and so he's not around his family. Unfortunately despite the huge level of betrayal a lot of my issues about his emotional closed-offness and flakiness was clearly due to the situation and now that he's honest with me the emotional intensity of the thing is just ratcheted up further. But it was making me miserable, missing him and wanting him so bad despite what he did to me, so I finally cut contact.

Except I didn't, I'd drunk text him and use that as a pretext to keep talking to him. Finally he did the first mature and unselfish thing in the time we'd been together and deleted the app we were using to chat. But we were still following each other on social media, which was terrible for me, so as of a week ago I stopped doing that and closed down anything he could follow me on.

I thought I'd be feeling better by now about it but it's not getting any easier. But he needs to figure out what the fuck is going on in his marriage and if he and his wife are really going to try to work it out for the sake of the kid, and I do not want to be a party to even an emotional affair, which is what we'd be doing if I was still in touch with him. And I need to get the fuck over him and move on.

So I just post about it on Reddit all the time, which while probably annoying and pathetic is better than giving into my urges to reach out to him.

I've told him we can try to be friends once I am over it, but I don't know if that's going to be possible, everything is still so intense for me emotionally and I can't see that going away anytime soon. It would be so much easier if I could just hate the jerk and his big dumb face but instead I just miss him.