I've been homeschooled since 4th grade (I'm 18 now and I'll graduated when I'm 19 because I'm stupid and of where my birthday fell in the year) and I haven't really had a lot of contact with people other than my family and my dad's girlfriend and her daughter.

I do go to a homeschool co-op once a week but I don't really have a lot in common with most of the kids because they're all hardcore conservative Christians. While I still identify as Christian, I am most definitely not conservative in any way, shape, or form, and I'm also gay and gender-nonconforming (still in the closet about the latter to my family and in the closet about everything to my classmates). I also feel isolated from my family, especially my mom, for the same reasons, and I only see my dad every other weekend.

I've never really had friends. The only person that I've ever really considered to be a friend (we were only friends for around a year, but we were pretty close) said they didn't want to be anymore earlier this year, which in retrospect is probably for the better, but it still hurts. It was my fault, according to them, but I still have no idea what I actually did. I can speculate but I'll never really know. I figure it was probably a mixture of misconceptions and my own awkwardness and ignorance.

I also have severe social anxiety (thanks homeschooling) and I look pretty wretched, because my hair is rapidly thinning (thanks dad, and also fuck being biologically male) and I'm severely over weight (at least this I can try to control), so I really don't want people to see me.

In all honestly, the loneliness doesn't bother me as much anymore. It's more that I haven't had any life experience and feel totally unprepared for life.