Lost attraction for my (20F) boyfriend (21M) of 2 years?

I wrote this yesterday in the early morning then broke up with him midday. Literally a day after our anniversary because I'm a terrible ass person. It was and still is the hardest shit I've ever done. I find myself constantly trying to console him today because he is for obvious reasons distraught. We are good to be friends still but he is needing time to heal and we are figuring out what boundaries need set. It's been such a heart breaking past 3 days. I feel so lost and in pain especially knowing how hard this is for him too. I find myself still thinking did I make the right decision. Maybe if I just try harder. Maybe it's wrong person wrong time? Maybe he just needs time to mature and take care of himself and become the man that he also wants to be and we can date again later? This has only been my second REAL relationship out side of highschool and more adult and being with someone for that long. It's been such intense emotions lately. My mind has kinda gone numb. I want to focus on myself. School, work, working out and caring for my body, working on my mental health. Working on loving myself more and my confidence and my issues with affection. And I want him to work on his confidence, self love, getting a job, license, a car, figuring out where he wants to go in life career wise. I just don't know if either of us could do that in a long distance awkward and downward spirling relationship. Or maybe I'm just convincing myself and I just ruined the best thing I'll ever have. I don't know. I'm just so upset.

/r/relationship_advice Thread