My only child, my 21 year old son, took his own life a few years ago when he challenged a police officer with a knife and and was shot to death in front of our eyes. We will never be the same. We will take the regret and guilt of that moment to our graves.

I am certain that the church and its teachings played a role in my son's depression and ultimate death. As his parent, I was responsible for introducing him to the church's culture, "history" and doctrine. Kyrie Eleison.

I insisted that his funeral be held at the mortuary instead of the church building and made sure that it would include my son's friends. We opened up the service to those who attended and let them talk about the young man they had known and loved. It was such a strength to us, especially when one of them mercifully said that my son's behavior towards them was a reflection of the good things we taught him. The memory makes me weep as I type this.

There were a few LDS trappings during the service; enough to satisfy the extended family, but for the most part, they were fairly unobtrusive. All in all, it was a positive experience as funerals go, and the members stepped up to make it so. For that, I was grateful.

That said, there were those who later insisted that the entire tragedy "was all just a part of heavenly father's plan"; that it was his way of calling our son home. One ventured that perhaps it was an "Abrahamic test" for us, and a few implied that our son was really getting a talking to in the spirit world, but that he would come out all right in the end. All of these comments caused us to reflect on the many times in the past that we had probably said the same unhelpful and even hurtful things to our grieving friends. Christe Eleison.

In the weeks and months following my son's death, I read everything I could about suicide and what it means to be a "survivor". It was rough sledding, but a necessary part of my healing. Through this process I learned a few things about dealing with the pain of suicide. The one piece of advice that really spoke to me was this, "Stay away from people and places that make you feel bad." This single sentence was front and center in my mind as I attempted to return to church activity following my son's funeral and was one of the catalysts that ultimately led me to stop attending church altogether after decades of doubt and disillusionment. Going was just too painful. How I wish I had made the decision decades ago and well before my son came into this world. Kyrie Eleison.

My heartfelt sympathies go to you, Tristans_Shadow, and the family and friends of this man. There is no excuse for people co-opting what should be a healing experience in order to further an agenda. That this tactic is all too common and even mandated by the Handbook of Instructions is a travesty. I would suggest that it's an issue worthy of the same effort Sam Young is making in regard to worthiness interviews. For now, and in lieu of that, I would urge everyone reading this to stand up for your loved ones when death comes calling. Insist on the things that are important for you and your family during your time of public mourning, and please remember to stay away from people and places that make you feel bad.