As someone who worked with a nurse who was addicted to cocaine, it takes one accidental finger-stick to destroy everything you worked/are working so hard for. As a psych NP who works primarily in SUD you are going to have to put in a lot of work, because based on your history, you have been at this for a while and it almost seems like it’s your entire personality. Disconnecting that is going to be an uphill battle. Make sure you are seeing a therapist that specializes in addiction therapy. My SIL, that is a doctor, abused adderall and got caught during her last year of residency and was removed and is unable to find another slot. You don’t want to be in that position over a white substance. She has no specialty since she was supposed to be a vascular surgeon. Now her only option is making less than me at an urgent care while all her peers are making bank. Don’t throw your life and career away before it even started. Don’t do this for your dad and because you want school paid for. Do it for you and your potential future.

This isn’t the most therapeutic/motivation interviewing type of response, but it’s the best I have at midnight lol. There’s preliminary data on TMS helping, and modafinil and topiramate have also been looked at to help with cocaine addiction but it would be up to your provider if they wanted to justify the use of those meds for cravings with shakey research backing their use. Good luck.