Or is this just all what you feel about yourself?

My husband loves me, feels I push myself too much, contribute equally to our house, and am not a burden in any sort. He is disappointed, like this morning, but he isn't mad or mean. He is never resented me, rather I am fearful of him resenting me.

He says we both... like both our lives changed from marriage. Like, I gave up some things (taking out loans to do grad school after undergrad, being able to move on a whim), and he gave up some things (living with his parents, he could have brought a house by now from that savings). But, that doesn't make our marriage bad or something, it's just life is different and we choose this one y'know?

I love my husband a lot, and I tell him how grateful I am. I have a very high quality of life and can indulge in things like exercise, and language study and so forth because of him. I will be debt free no later than my 30th birthday because of him. In return he eats better, is not lonely, and so forth. I know in my heart I am a good wife to him, and I'm not lazy (though I did miss work today <.<)

I just feel like there is a game of catch-up, and I can't win. I can't win because the person I envision doesn't exist - someone who is a size 2, fit, has a master's in STEM, has a career, a strong marriage, and is vegan with no debt or drug/alcohol/health issues. Even so, I still have these thoughts.

I want to... be something or someone better, and I know there are things I cannot do and I hate it so much. I have asthma and my husband had to stop be working out today, or I would've fainted off that treadmill. I can't get a STEM degree as I haven't even taken pre-calc. Stuff like that...