He's very reluctant to do solo therapy - we did do one session of couples therapy about a year ago which helped in that the therapist was so terrible we dealt with the problem on our own.

The therapist treated us like "Why are you even here if things are mostly okay?" as if we shouldn't try to fix things BEFORE they're terribad and told us to read the 5 love languages book and do the quiz. We did the quiz and realized the problem wasn't that we didn't know what each other's "love language" it was that he got swept up in work sometimes and forgot to actually do things. He quickly rectified that and we haven't had a problem with that since. My other concern was that due to his passivity, we could have a problem and I wouldn't know about it as he had previously been rather vague about the details of his marriage. He's since opened up about that and we had a long talk that let me know how differently he feels about me and how differently he approaches our relationship/interactions.

I won't deny that he has stuff going on in his head, but outside of this "I don't know what I want to do with my life" stuff, it's all stuff we deal with well together. Using the clutter as an example, we talked about how if we lived together I'd have to be a little neater and he'd have to deal with a less spartan living space - we were both fine with making those compromises. (There have been ones we've had to follow through on, just sticking with cleanliness for simplicity and privacy.)

I'm also totally okay with giving him some (more) time as long as he has a plan in mind. The fact that all he can tell me right now is that he doesn't really have a plan outside of us makes me feel that staying in the area might be a crapshoot of a commitment despite how healthy and positive the relationship is otherwise. It wouldn't be an issue if I was keen on staying in the area regardless...but I'm not.

I do know he'd go to therapy again with me if I found a better therapist, though.