So, you haven't really said enough to fill us in well enough, because you're trying to be anon, which is completely understandable. I'm always terrified my spouse will find my posts even with throwaways. Let me relate my own situation, although my process will be more simple since I have no kids.
My husband is also abusive, verbally and mentally, he's "only" ever caused physical harm one time. He calls me names, some of the things you have said in your replies almost word for word. He calls me a coward very frequently, and other c words, he says I'm a sadist and has told me that I'm playing the victim as well. I've been planning to leave him for a while but recently came up with a very solid plan and have been taking actions towards that plan. I have a therapy app on my phone called talkspace. There's a monthly fee instead of a per-session fee, but I can talk my therapist every day and she usually responds on the same day. She was the one that made me realize that I am in an abusive relationship and she's been helping me plan my escape.
You are in an abusive relationship. You can't "do anything" to make an abusive relationship better, aside from getting out of the relationship, especially if therapy isn't an option. I know it's hard to go, your kids shouldn't have to think this is normal and they shouldn't be exposed to how he's treating you. My opinion is that you can't get out fast enough. I've been with my guy for only slightly longer than you with yours, my entire youth was wasted on him. I tried to leave him last month on a day when he was calling me every name in the book, pacing around in the kitchen with a knife, but he collapsed when he realized I was serious about leaving and says he wants a chance to make me fall in love again. I have my guard up but it's been a month now. I'm leaving in August, everything online suggests this love-bomb will last a month or two before he feels safe enough to lash out again. Even if he doesn't, I'm done. I should have left the day he whipped me.