Wow. I know I'm late to the party, but I have to chime in.

MANY women desperately want children for years/their whole lives, and never find the right guy. At some point you say "Okay, I can't wait any longer, what is plan B? Give up the dream? Go it alone? Wait longer for a partner and adopt?" And every woman's answer is unique to her own life goals and situatoin.

Seems to me this is where OP is in life. "I can work on my marriage, or I can move on, but I'm almost out of time if I want a child of my own. What do I want to do?"

Women have been having babies right up to menopause, average age 51, throughout time. Before birth control, it was have babies or don't have sex. A 1% chance of Down Syndrome is 99% chance of a healthy baby. At OP's age, the bigger hurdle is getting and staying pregnant.

The actual stats are, in the US, currently 1 in 5 babies, 20%, are born to a woman 35 and older as a first child. The 40-44 and 45-49 age range are the fastest growing age groups of baby-havin'.

So, my dear OP, I think you have decided having your own Bio child is your top priority. The stress of tick-tock, while living on opposite coasts, would test even the most solid marriage.

I think you have already decided you want the baby NOW, and to figure the marriage out later. If you and GreenKnight stay together, that way the baby is genetically his. If it doesn't work out, at least you got the baby. I get it.

I say, if GreenKnight is the bio father, you need to have an agreement in place that he will let this child know how much it is loved and wanted, no matter the outcome of your marriage. If GreenKnight is not capable of/willing to do this, use a sperm donor. And for the love of....make sure you have a plan for baby if something should happen to you, written out, looked at by a lawyer, signed by both of you and 100% legal.

I truly do get the desire to have a baby, even later in life, that you have wanted soooo long, at the expense of everything else by the child. Good luck and my best wishes to you both!