It was when my Edad and NStepmom had first moved in together, and I had moved in with them. I was looking forward to maybe having a nurturing mother figure, and a friend if nothing else. Plus, she was pretty and stylish, and knew how to do hair and makeup and all of that, and as a young girl I thought that was THE BEST.

Our relationship began with little power plays, things I didn't understand - like NSmom getting offended by my father and I haveing quality time, and at that time, interfering with it in an innocent, charming way (as opposed to her later full blown tantrums). Everytime I thought we'd bonded, or buried the hatchet (har) over the course of her being in my life, she was always quick to betray that newfound trust.

My earliest memory of our relationship was of us shopping. We were looking at hair accessories. She told me to pick something out while she got something for herself. I thougt it was fun! Shopping! Like friends! I found a barette that I thought was really pretty, and once she had settled on three items for herself, she took a look at the one I'd found. She liked it better than hers, and asked if we could trade and we could share them (my 9 year old logic wasn't up to par) to which I readily agreed. Only to find out later, that I would be punished for that assumed "sharing".

Also, when my Edad bought the unicorn snowglobe I was obsessed with (I was that little girl) he gave it to NSmom. I was a bit heartbroken at that.

Anyway, I grew up to be the SG and my NSmom became increasingly psychotic, and eventually a drug addict (and she and my Edad blame me for that, as well as their "ruined" marriage..) who I've completely written out of my life. My home life and the abuse at her hands made me guarded, strong, and a fighter. It was a day of reckoning (at 16) when I realized I could defend myself, and that she was weak and unworthy of my fear or concern.

I've later dated a man with a daughter about the same age as I was when NSmom entered my life, and I had always wondered if maybe I contributed to the problem -- but I could never, under any circumstance imagine treating his daughter the way I was treated (and we had a wonderful friendship), and that is what really solidified that the problem, and the fault, lies with my parents, and not with me.

.endnovel