Yesterday.

3 years ago my mother died from a sudden heart attack and I was the one who discovered her body three days later. That moment seems to be stuck on the back of my eyelids as I can picture it clearly every time I close my eyes. I'm an only child, my mother was an only child and I'm estranged from my father (they divorced after I was conceived but before I was born).

I had to break the news to my 90 year old widowed grandmother who lived in a nursing home as she had Parkinson's and was severely weak due to a stroke she suffered years ago. My mother was her primary care giver. Due to her medical condition I was unable to discuss or comfort or be comforted by her about the passing of my mother.

I had to plan the funeral and deal with her estate on my own. I had to care for my grandmother from then on until she passed on Halloween 2018. I also had to plan her funeral and settle her estate. I now have no family except for my wife and her side.

A week before my grandmother passed I started a great new position at work that was out of my comfort zone, everyone I worked with said I'd be great and encouraged me to take it. Now 14 months in the job has only increased my stress and anxiety to where it is affecting my health and I am in the process of resigning. I feel like a failure, that I'm letting down those who encouraged me and those who took a chance on me for the position. I don't have another job lined up so I am scared that I'm making the wrong decision.