I can totally relate to trying to find the perfect video or photo to whack it to. I have had the misfortune of being unable to find that perfect pic or video and the annoyance that it caused me was monumental and I just had to do something about it by finding that perfect gal to fap to.

I had a very unpleasant experience this week of trying to find pics and videos of a Playboy Playmate of the Month from the 90s on the internet and found that she put in a copyright request and had all of her photos and videos scrubbed almost entirely from the internet. She is one of the very few hardcore or softcore performers and models that will go to such lengths to remove their material from the internet. It was quite the adventure trying to track down her material. I took it as an affront that she thought that she could just scrub her incredible tits and flowing brown hair from history like that and so I rolled my sleeves up, dropped my pants, and went on an adventure through cyberspace to try and locate what she seemed to have scrubbed from the internet. I wound up in places that I didn't even know existed...

So, it's about midnight on Sunday and we all know that means that it's time to jerk the gerkin before bed. At the time, I happened to be reading about a player for the Sacramento Kings and I think about the franchise and then remember that a prominent member of Howard Stern's Wack Pack was a fan of the Kings. Pretty random, I know, but that is what got the ball rolling. I remember that this Wack Packer was a Kings fan and that made me think of how the owners have thought about relocating the team or selling the team to a group that wants to bring the team to Seattle. I then remembered who the owners of the team were and remembered that one of them used to date this Playboy Playmate who was a knockout about fifteen years ago. I remember years ago that I used to go to town to pics of her when I was just a young connoisseur of internet porn and pics that I collected in what has become a world class spank bank folder on my desktop. I used to have all of her photos on my desktop but lost most of them and most of my spank bank years ago when I got a new computer. Dumb move, I know. Years ago, she was one of my go-to-girls and, incredibly, I seemed to have forgotten about her for a few years until this week.

So I remember the girl's name and Google her and find that she is about 35 - 40 now and not looking so great anymore. Lots of plastic surgery on her face, a new tit job, really skinny, and just looking like a washed out party girl and past-it Playmate. I was pretty bummed that her new material was so shitty so that made me ignore it and look for the pics of her that she did in Playboy about fifteen years ago. Now, imagine my surprise when I hit the 30-somethingish page of Google and find that her pics are nowhere to be found. I then used Bing (great for porn, by the way) and got the exact same shitty results and couldn't find squat from this girl. I then examined the non-image results closely and found that the links to the Playboy pics were clearly written on some sites but that "broken image" link kept popping up and this told me that the original poster of them removed the links or that she had - for some reason - removed her photos from websites through DMCA takedown requests. I figured that it was simply a case of a fellow porn connoisseur like myself who had posted her pics on shitty Geocities-looking web sites from over ten years ago that they just decided to remove or something. However, after I was about two dozen Google pages deep looking for her pics and kept getting the same "broken image" links over and over, I came to the conclusion that she must have put in a copyright request and taken down her Playboy pics and all of the other pics of her from years ago when she still looked like a perfect ten. When I realized this I was furious because like any other man, when I'm horny before bed and wanna jack it I fully expect to be able to Google any hot chick or porno scene that I want and have that shit flying onto my screen in seconds through cyberspace. I lived through the struggle with other kids before the Internet Age of porn. I know all of you remember how it was back then. I remember having to watch the Spice Channel after midnight and trying to make out a tit or an ass cheek in a sea of scrambled images. I remember not knowing that there was a world of Google-able tits and ass outside of CelebrityMovieArchive.com and Mr. Skin. I cannot forget having to rewind VHS tapes to sexy scenes, looking at my mom's JCPenny bra and panty magazines, and doing everything in my power to go over to my friend's house who could successfully download porn from Kazzaa and Limewire for me and my friends to watch after school when his parents were never home. I lived through those lean times and that meant that I WAS FURIOUS that this uppity, washed-up Playboy chick thought that she could simply take down those smoking hot pics of herself and deny me my first fap to her in years. Well, that was just too much for me to take and so I had my adrenaline pumping, my anger coursing through my veins, my penis raging, and my mind deadset on finding those pics that she deleted.

I started out by Googling some of the Playmates from the year that she won Playmate of the Month and found all the other Playmates of the Month for the year that she won her award. I then found a quasi-lesbian video of her and another Playboy chick on some Indian or Arabic (no idea which) website from like 10 years ago and managed to follow a link on that page to a few of the photos that she tried to delete. I was psyched. I found a few photos and then used reverse image searches to try and track down any other sites that may have been hosting those pics of hers. It took me a few Google results pages to find some erotica forums from 2006 that had like 80 pages to wade through just to find a few pics of hers because nearly every page had that goddamn "broken image" link. My perseverance paid off because by the time I was about 67 pages deep I hit the mother load and found about half of the pics I was looking for. It was beautiful but I wasn't satisfied because I still hadn't found the set of her sprawled out and naked in some rich guy's library/study and I just had to find that set or else I couldn't fap and couldn't get any sleep that night. Not only that, but I wasn't going to let this chick win and get away with denying me the right to pleasure myself to pictures of her all because her modeling career was dead and buried and because she was trying to clean up her image to become some hostess out in Vegas like she made it seem clear she wanted to do judging by her Twitter postings. She was trying to clean up her image and in doing so, denied me those photos that it was my God-given right to whack it to.

I tried a whole lot of shit before I realized that I should probably use the Internet Wayback Archive to try and get some results from the pages that had dead links. This proved hard to do because I had to look for archived pages from dozens of totally random, old, shitty erotica and porno sites but I did finally find that set that I was looking for. I know that I can't be the only guy to go through this when looking for porn but I wound up on one of those Eastern European or Russian porno or erotic sites that has like foreign editions of Playboy magazines and shoots in super high resolutions and big sized jpegs and this is where I found the set. Everything was in like fucking Bulgarian or some shit and there weren't any thumbnails - just links with random Bulgarian words and then what looked like the names of American Playmates - but I clicked and waded through those links like I was in a damn swamp until I found the right link that got me the set that I was looking for. I must have hit Dailymotion, VintageErotica forums, FreeOnes, Mr.Skin, Indavideo, YouKou or whatever the hell that Chinese YouTube knock-off site is called, CelebrityMovieArchive, old-ass Angelfire sites, some Geocities sites, multiple search engines, different subreddits, foreign erotica and porn forums, random YouTube videos that sometimes have jpeg slideshows, and all sorts of other shit until I found the pics I was looking for.

About two hours later - after much masturbation consternation - I had my pics, took my grand old time with them, did my business, and then retired for the night, a free and happy man in the Good Ol' U.S. of A.

Mission Accomplished.

TL;DR: Went on a journey through erotic cyberspace and to the end of the Earth to track down an obscure Playboy Playmate from the 90s and stopped at nothing until I found her nude photos.