I too have struggled in the past with motivation and carrying myself. I don't think I can offer any advice per se, but I can tell you that you're not alone, and I shared some common traits. Trying to get out of bed. No sleep, and even the whole short stretches of feeling good. Trying to hide it from your family is incredibly taxing on your body and all it did was push me further away from the people who cared. I tried the whole suicide letter thing, once or twice, but it was impossible for me to finish, because there is no way to make it seem unselfish. I couldn't really tell my family, or get them involved because all they would try to do is find a solution. It sounds wayyyy more simple than it actually is, but until I took charge of my life again, I never saw any progress. I'll give you an example what kind of set the whole ball in motion for me. Falling down into a spiral, I was unhappy with my body, so I started to work out. Worst. workout. ever. But I forced myself to do it. It made me feel like I accomplished something though. Once I saw how much farther I could run the next time, and the next time, I got motivated to continue doing it. Didn't cure the depression, but it gave me a little hope, and that is just what I needed. One little thing like that sparked rock climbing, which lead me to making a few friends, and flirting with some girls, which lead to improving self image, and boosting self confidence. It becomes a chain reaction. Everyone is different, so force yourself to do a couple little things, see where it goes. I am in no way giving you a solution(at least trying not to), but hearing about someone who went through similar situations and how they recovered from it really gave me some hope. If you want, PM me, and I would be happy chat, and listen if you need someone to talk to.