You have my very deepest sympathy. What you're feeling right now is all too familiar to me. I told the girl who eventually became the mother of my daughter right after we got together (before it got serious). She was initially more than okay with it. We were together for years and we eventually worked our way to a point where I was almost ready to come out to the rest of the world. That changed when I came home from work and found her messing around with men on multiple occasions. Her excuse was the fact that I needed to transition. She left me and took my daughter to another state.. the closet doors slammed shut so hard that I thought I'd be internally broken for life. On top of that she took my trans secret and told everyone in my life. I denied it because of the same fear of abandonment that you are experiencing now. Over a decade later when I finally tore the closet doors off of their hinges for good I still experience a degree of regret that I let this postpone me from becoming the real me.

And as far as the comments that others have made regarding your perceived gender, if you've not told them that you're a woman then they are just going off of preconceived notions of gender rolls because they've never known you any other way. I delt with that aspect by coming out. It was hard and scary and very risky but it simply had to be done.

When it comes to the question you asked about feeling good enough.. I understand the feeling. Ask yourself this though "are the others in my life good enough to be able to accept the real me?" The way you feel that you are good enough is the -fact- that you already are. You are good enough to have happiness, friends, and love in your life. You deserve to feel important and cared for. I have a very good idea how important this person was to you but please realize that her reaction will not be mirrored by everyone else.