Let me paint you a picture. A self portrait. A brutally honest one.

I was 28 when I met the guy who would end up being my husband, he delighted me so much. He had a tween daughter and was worried she would he a deal breaker. Nope. I was so excited and became extremely close to her. Never tried to be a mother figure but more of a mentor and friend and someone she could look up to.

During this time, I made it very clear I wanted to be a mother. He was on board. We had gotten married and about a year later, we discussed the kid thing again. He said we should try. He didn't really seem to want to try very hard. Nothing happened. I did a few cycles of mild fertility treatments. When you do those, you have a window in which conception is more likely. He told me he didn't think sex should ever feel like a job, and we should chill, if it happens, it happens. Well, it didn't.

Several brutal discussions and arguments (and years) later he finally came clean that his ex was so controlling through his daughter that he couldn't bear the thought of that happening again, and that's why he didn't try harder.

Now it's too late. I'll never have a child. I'll never know what that's like. That would have been the end of it for me right there, had I known earlier. He kind of figured that, and didn't want to be fully honest because of it.

If you even think you'll want kids, and think he won't, move on and find someone you know is 100% on board.

Side note to end what sounds like a bleak story - we stayed together and are together to this day. We have a wonderful marriage, but it took counseling and hard work after that betrayal of trust. It CAN work out. But I'll always feel a pinch of sadness at not being someone's mama.