thank you for taking the time to tell your story, i am overweight but have not gone through the other struggles you have. Its great you are seeking/ have sought psychological and psychiatric help.

The thing about being fat that is irritating is that it seems that everybody wants to "help" sometimes they say "i am shaming you so you get skinny etc" dont trust these people, they are not your friends, even if they say you are, even if they say shit like "im telling you how it is etc" that is not right. If you believe these things other people say about you, you will grow to hate yourself which will make everything worse, i know i have, i believed people when they told me these things. i learned to not be as "forgiving and a martyr" i learned that the only people i will care about are the people who care about me, it can be hard but you got this.

Knowing there is a problem with your body is important and trying to be healthy is one thing but other people being an asshole about it is just evil. You are struggling right now but thats ok, you dont need to worry about being the best or being perfect, just do what you need to do. If that means being a bit unhealthy for a while while you focus on other things so be it (granted also if you are unhealthy that will also cause some problems to be worse) try to find someone who will understand, a therapist/psyciatrist/ friend whoever you trust. please try to find someone you can trust.

Just take things one step at a time ok? slowly but surely.