Been through the same, both with a loss, and as a friend who doesnt talk about it.
I dont search far beyond "how is it going?"-"fine", because after I lost my dad, for three years I'd start bawling if I had to think too much about it and my day would be miserable (and working in customer service you cant have cry-eyes at work every day, they'll eat you alive).
All I wanted was for more buffer experiences to put distance between the hurt and the present. Something positive to talk about when socializing, something else in the brain inventory to think about when I wake up in the morning other than 'he is gone'.
Another issue was how I was perceived by the people who did bring it up and try to ask me how I was doing - just a kid and already bogged down with anxiety and living in a country where I had to speak a second language, suddenly I had people popping out of the woodwork telling me that it wasnt healthy to keep everything to myself and that I had to talk about it - but talk about what? That initial shock stage you mentioned lasted about 2 years for me, it was like I had taken a soccer ball to the face, I was rendered pretty much speechless - and they wanted me to talk? I didnt even know what to say, other than 'ouch'. By the time I had something to say, it was 'yes, he is dead, and I am sad because I miss him', but apparently that wasnt good enough for all the people pretending to give a shit by wringing morbid details out of me, and then they'd go off on a rant about me being sick and needing help and being all kinds of messed up, just because I wasnt acting like they thought someone should after such a loss.
I want to help create other peoples' buffer experiences and try to have a good time, rather than make them cry for the 6th time that week and potentially make them feel bad about words, on top of everything else.
Everyone grieves differently.