My mother has only visited me once in 12 years but we don't have a bad relationship.

FWIW, I got sick of my mother's crap and told her, "I'm tired of being the one who does all the schlepping, it's your turn to come out here." My other relatives are all, "What if she dies!" and I respond, "If I continue to go to her, I'd always wonder if she would have ever made an effort for me." And it's not even just for me, none of her family is remotely close to her. When in doubt I always revert to what is fair because watching people trying to scramble to come up with an argument against fairness is entertaining if nothing else. She is the one that moved, not me, and she's never visited me. It's fate's awesome joke that the pandemic gave her yet one more excuse.

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