It was kind of my fault though.my grandma cooked healthy food, I would just raid the pantry secretly all the time. She owned a business and I would sneak candy bars from there all the time. My doctor told them not to worry because I was projected to be 6 feet tall. I was never obese until I was an adult and stopped playing sports, but I was overweight. I have a video of my mom asking me my age (8) and weight and I keep lying and she keeps teasing me (no, how much, really?) and I weighed 85 pounds.

Just the idea that I could go to the grocery store tomorrow and the cashier or the person behind me could be thinking those things about me, it just makes my chest tighten. Other parents at my daughters school? My husbands friends?

You're right, I wanted to think you guys were a bunch of self hating fat people or losers who have nothing else going for you, but it's probably just a bunch of normal people who could be anybody. I honestly had no idea people felt so strongly against me, especially for something that has made me hate myself my whole life. I feel a little embarrassed and naive. I used to get people honking at me when I ran outside and shouting nasty stuff, but I figured it was just their age (it was on a running path on a college campus). Ugh, I know you probably think this is crazy but I feel like the world is a little bit meaner and scarier now. Like that wedding thread hit me hard because I thought having a husband who loved me and who I loved back was kind of proof to people who were mean to me in high school that I was capable of love and being loved.

Honestly, I'll be fine. I'm not going to lie though, I just need to forget that that sub even exists and focus on keeping my girls healthy and focus on taking care of my body and getting healthy and setting a good example for them. This is probably a bit like when I was going on /r/morbidreality way too much and letting it get to me.