i think the fact you are struggling so much with this emotionally means youre not a horrible person.

you love your child unconditionally. but that doesnt mean you have to be fully gung ho for all their choices.

sometimes we just need to love and support the ones we live because at the end of the day, their choices are to make them happy and not us, its their life. and they deserve to be happy.

im not saying blindly accept, because you truly dont understand how a person lives that way or comes to that conclusion, BUT being open to understanding or wanting to learn more about how your son came to this conclusion will ease so many burdens.

you dont have to love their choices, but love them even with choices you dont understand, thats step one in the right direction and you're already there