I know how you feel. I'm still in school (right now it's summer break) and i should be happy but I'm not. I'm anxious about school which is normal but I'm its not because of trying to get good grades or stuff like that. I'm sure i have social anxiety but i have never been diagnosed its just a self diagnosis. I have anxiety because I'm constantly worried about what i do and how i should act around people in public. So during the summer I'm constantly worried about going back to school and having to deal with being around people. It makes me very uncomfortable.

I stay in my room a lot because its my space. I know what to expect and i know i can control most of what goes on. So it helps me deal with anxiety and depression. Since i don't like leaving my house (since I'm comfortable and in control) its hard for me to go places. If a friend offers to take me somewhere public, i start to panic. So i make up an excuse. I know they know that I'm just trying to get out of it but i think they think I'm just being an asshole. Then if i do go somewhere my mom and my brother kinda tease me about it. They say stuff like "wow you actually got out for once" and "oh was it scary? " they aren't saying it to be assholes or anything its just teasing but it just adds another reason not to go.

My mom and my brother keep telling me i need to get out of my room and do something. I tell them that theres nothing else to do (which is partly true but i just use it as an excuse). I don't like to leave my room and i feel bad about myself which i know is going to lead into depression. Every year its the same thing. Sorry this turned into a rant. I've been thinking this stuff for so long but I've never told anyone.

It's 4:02am here. I was planning on going to sleep hours ago but i can't get the thoughts out of my head. So I'm watching an animal documentary on Netflix. It's actually really helping.