It is confusing, even to myself. Partly it is just a matter of being used to it, and something as big as changing my reproductive organs feels like a huge, scary step. I can get a vagina, but I will always, always have the memory of what used to be there. But mainly, transitioning does not equate pressing that magic button. The dream is to be a cis woman — literally a different person. But the reality is the option to transition, from what I am, into myself w/ a body closer to that of the girl I wish I was born as. This option, which might include SRS, does not feel like something I necessarily want, because it does not feel like a true solution to the problem (there isn't one — there is no magic button), but only a way of getting closer to that impossible solution. With all the negatives that come with, I am questioning whether it is a good step, all things considered.

I can see why that might come across as silly, but that's how I feel.