Although it's quite difficult to accept that I'm an alcoholic. I believe that I came across the last straw with alcohol earlier this month. Not because some bullshit New Year's resolution, but because I think I actually have a problem with the poison. I remember my first drink. I was 12 (now I'm 23), it was near bedtime when my older brother by 2 years sneaked into the fridge and took a few bottles of Smirnoff Ice light. One for me and him. I was a bit nervous. No, I was fucking scared because I didn't want my father to find out that I drank alcohol. I got really hammered off that one bottle, I started laughing out loud like an idiot, and I remember I couldn't stop talking. My father never mentioned it to me. So since then, I've always hung out with my older siblings and they drank and smoked with their friends. Such a terrible choice, because I thought I'd be "cool". Nope, now I can see that it was quite habit forming and bad for my health. Now, for the present day. I drink every now and then (every other night). Because I always told myself that I deserved it after a hard day's work. I meet up with co-workers and friends and get hammered (most nights) because I make decent money being a server in a pretty nice area of town. I numbed the pain of everyday life with whiskey. I was depressed, falling behind on my goals and aspirations. Falling behind on rent and bills, because all the money I did make was going to having a fun night out with co-workers (who still lived with their parents) and trying to get laid. Did I mention I live on my own without hardly any support from family? So it's been difficult to man up and take on responsibility. Now, to where I noticed that I had a problem with alcohol. It was 4th of this month. I awoke with a gnarly hangover. My head was throbbing, and I only had 2 hours to get ready and go to work. I got invited out to a party the night before by a co-worker, because it was her birthday. Prior to getting to the bar and getting even more wasted. I hung out with some other co-workers because they were going to the party as well, they were taking an Uber. So I decided I'll hang out with these guys and well all get to the party, and have even more fun. So we there I am parked with my co-workers outside a grocery store, bullshitting and talking about other people (or at least they were), we buy a bottle of Wild Turkey Honey (was pretty disgusting) and a six pack of beer. We drink about 3/4 of the bottle, and sip on a few beers. Now I'm feeling a bit alive and want to party. We now arrive at the bar, everyone's there. My co-worker decides to buy all shots of tequila. I get another beer. By this time the music's loud the bar is full of energy and I just want to be a part of it. Everything becomes blurry. I ask a girl to dance, we start making out. I move on to the next girl on the dance floor. It's my co-worker, she begins grinding, like the fucking animal that I am, and I start kissing her. Now I'm fucking hammered and decide to get myself another drink of RedBull and vodka at the bar. I drink it, I dance some more. Everyone's dancing, and feeling the music. I am now kissing a random bar girl. I get her number. I'm now outside and feeling drunk and just want to lie on the sidewalk and fall asleep. I awoke the next day realizing what I've done, and just started at the ceiling fan above for a good ten minutes thinking to myself, hoping, that it was all just a dream. However the aching of my body and turning of my stomach, kept me from thinking such things. I had to work the next few hours, however I didn't want to even show my face because I worked with the exact same people who I went out with the night before. Keep in mind that I am not the guy to do those things I've said I've done. I enjoy reading, culture, art, discovering new places, and traveling. However the binge drinking I've seen to be keeping myself busy with as of recently has made me make decisions I completely regret doing. But, good news! I am now 9 days sober. And for some odd reason I don't want to drink any more or at least the cravings are not as visceral and strong. I've actually been eating healthier, drawing more, and saving my money. I do wish to keep traveling this long and difficult road to sobriety. I know it is going to be the hardest thing to accomplish, however I think I'm on the right track. It was difficult enough to even stop smoking cigarettes. I am now 3 1/2 half months off of cigarettes!!! If I can do that, then I know I can do the same for alcohol. One addiction at a time! Wish me luck guys!