I'm nonbinary as well and I can see myself being in your shoes eventually, though I'm only 1 year on T at the moment. I saw the world as forcing me to pick between M or F and between those two I would always pick M, but after picking it I'm finding it's not quite enough on some spiritual level. Being a they/them man has brought me a lot of comfort and I feel like those are genuinely my pronouns, but it's hard to grapple with the idea that using he/him is technically misgendering me, even though it's safer, and I live in the south as well. Not a lot of ftmtnb people on this sub but I wanted to throw out my thoughts because I'm out here too. It's rough knowing society will never accommodate my existence as a nonbinary person but it's comforting to know that I can still be myself at home, in private, and that has to be enough. "Even though I feel like my idealized self is both/neither male or female, the idea of actually being clocked that way by strangers is so scary" really resonated with me.