Basically, I went to IKEA and once I reached the fluffy companions isle I was immediately filled with delight as I picked up each animal and gave them a hug, a new animal as it seemed was in this particular basket of stuffed animals. I said to myself “he looks like a good boy” when I read the tag I was baffled, t’was the one and only Blahaj the shark. That day I felt a resounding connection and I knew from inside my AMAB body. That I, was transgender.

The next day I woke up and couldn’t get Blahaj off my mind, it seemed something was missing without him… how could that be I thought to myself that day before coming to realize, never in my life after hugging an animal did I feel so good and safe. I rushed out of bed and got dressed, ate honey combs cereal before telling my mom… the usually feared words, “We… need, to go to IKEA!!!”. Mother of course, as a plebeian said “No ***** we shall stay here and upon the dinner of tonight watch the Kardashians.” I thought to myself at that moment, was this my mother? Watching such propaganda… propaganda for plastic surgery of course.

It was only hours later after lunch my dad arrived back home, I said what I said to mother that same morning and added on something which disgusted my heart beyond belief. “We need a new white chair, from IKEA!!!”, rather than talk with mother, father the beast himself grabbed me by the hand and took us outside. Said to me “Boy, thanks for giving me the excuse to go back.” I was baffled, did Blahaj touch him too?

I got jealous… my dear Blahaj had not been saving himself for our marriage which I had dreamed of the night before, father after all was homosexual then? Anyways we got into the Honda Civic, parked outside after the rain had fallen. It was a bright red, extraordinary to be honest. I seated down and it felt so good, knowing I could see my friend again.

Then we arrived after 2 hours, I rushed out the car and didn’t even reply to father. Bad idea, I ran further and further through each isle until I got to the cafeteria… ooooh God damn they do it every time! I was forced into line by my neurons and suddenly found myself waiting… and waiting… and, FATHER oh no, if I was found not looking for a chair I’d be served with a class A felony of “Not helping father feel chairs”. I crouched down and started acting like a child, t’was in fact this that got me caught as father…

Father menacingly walked with his hands swaying, his male pattern baldness going aggressively as he says; “*****! Why did you like up without me, that’s a good idea of yours.” I was utterly shocked. Did father just… want meat balls? It was hours later when we had eaten and I make the same mistake again as I jump up and shout… “BLAHAJ IM COMING FOR YOU” I ran out of the cafeteria and it was like a wind of shallow speed as I slowly ran,

I had gained a speed debuff after the meatballs. I felt tired as I turn around and realize I hadn’t even made it 30 ft from our table, thou shall say I would be ashamed now. But, perhaps it was what I needed as dad got up and walked to me yet again menacingly, I began to run again! After 10 minutes I reached it again, the stuffed animals as I quickly grab the shark and hug it, this time I felt different… I looked down and saw a paper on the Blahaj “you’ve been transsed” it said. I looked like a muppet, standing there with a face like Andrew Tate.

I tried putting him back but it was too late, I felt the agenda in my body as I was forced into line with him, it forced my credit card out and shockingly even paid for me. Blahaj, the shark was mine and as we walked out of IKEA I had forgotten one thing, to say thank you to the cashier of course. How could I? So I returned quickly and saw a man with a single chair on the till. Inside I was laughing,

who buys a single chair? I thanked her and walked away again as I reached the Civic, I pull the handle and was humbled. I fell on my ass as I shake my head like an NPC, oh…. Father, whoops.

The end…