I feel you, man.

I've been a of unrequited love a few times. I'm not talking about "le friendzone"--but true, honest love that wouldn't stop no matter how much logic I threw at it. (I didn't befriend her with the intention of it leading to romance, it's something that grew naturally over many years). The crushing part is that I've shared the displays of affection, but I've never once been confident that a person would feel the same way about things the next day.

I can't even tell if a girl is flirting with me anymore, because I've taken so many "signals" as more than they really were I think. For the situation right now, there is some rationality. We're both dealing with complex, tough times in our lives. There's also a bit of a physical distance between us. We've talked about it and agreed that if we're both single in the future when things have died down, we'd give the relationship thing a go. I've never made it unfair, I've never expressed the anguish I'm in to her. I made a promise that I'll always be there for her no matter what, way before I felt this way, and I intend to keep it.

I'm doing a little better now, it's just been a long time. But I still feel pretty hollow and alone...especially when all of my friends have had multiple relationships over the years, and many are now getting engaged/married/having children. You just get tired of going home alone. As I get older and older, I feel like my chances of finding someone are growing thinner by the minute. I'm almost scared to try now.

I guess it's my own fault, but I've really tried. I've gone through counseling, therapy, you name it. And every girl I meet seems surprised when they learn I've never had a girlfriend, but now I don't know if it's genuine, or they're just trying to make me feel better. I have a ton of hobbies, simulating work, I'm physically fit...there's not much else I can do to make myself happy I don't think. Sometimes I wish everyone would just forget about me.

I hope that all made sense, I just need to get it out sometimes.