Unstable sense of self is core to BPD and underlying that is that pwBPD really don't know who they are.

You can't love if you don't have a self to love from.. And the pwBPD only finds self through you.

It's understandable, especially in relationships that go on for many years, that we want to think that the pwBPD loves us.

At times it may even seem too complicated to explain, and we want to argue our case vehemently. We want to rationalise it or we're still hopeful even though they never bonded in a healthy way in the first place.

Now, obviously(!) there could be margin cases where there is no identity disturbance. So you're right and I'll update my comment accordingly.

Stay Frosty.