It is hard to find someone, who adores you, wants to team up with you, is interested in your well being, respects you, and helps you grow as a person. Even in a "vanilla" context, this is hard to find. By wanting someone with those qualities who is also kinky you are obviously limiting yourself further.

However, it is neither impossible, nor is it out of the norm. Most serious relationship type dominants I met in my life, be they male or female, want a relationship first and D/s second. If you want some perspective on this read blogs that are written by dommes, who are not trying to sell something to a male audience.

If you go out and read Ms Scarlet you might lose all hope for a loving and nurturing relationship. Let it be known, that it is entirely possible that all participants in Ms Scarlet's relationships are happy and fulfilled (although I still doubt that her stories are not fiction) and that is good for them. Alas, this is not a relationship dynamic I am interested in and neither are you apparently. Aside from a wanking fantasy, that is. Which brings me to the point I am trying to make: She is trying to sell something to men, who use this type of narrative to tug at there own genitalia to. In other words, she is trying to peddle her books. It is not so much reality as it is pornography. Thus, you might want to go somewhere else, if you want to restore faith.

Look at Ferns, DD or Lady M and you'll know, that what you're looking for is out there and it is not uncommon among those, who want more than play.

The constant stream of badly thought out male porn blogs, gives the impression, that all dommes are cold cruel bitches, who'll string you up by your balls while mocking your manhood for it's lack of size.

Luckily there are blogs by actual dommes and Thumper. So fret not and go forth looking for your dream domme/partner/nurturer/pegger/all round real woman.

Best of luck!