So much of your story jives with my experience. Only I’m the other side: I’m the SAHM. Both my partner and I were in very very competitive fields and we have made certain decisions and concessions to have a child. We only have one though. But it’s full on as you know. As the sahm, I have to say that while you are overworked at work and at home, and have NO time, it still might feel to her that you have SPACE for your self. My SO works full time, from home, and I think would say there is no time at all for him, just as there is no time for me, except after our child goes to sleep. But as the mother and primary care giver, I can’t help but feel that he has space for his own brain, his own thoughts, some quiet space without children’s voices. Can you see how maybe she just needs some quiet space? And how she might feel that you actually get some?

Anyway for the advice: two things. One: hire someone to care for your children/ baby for a few hours a week so she has space. DO NOT point out how frivolous you think this is, or act like you’re doing her a favour. One b) do not ever compare your situations. It never helps and it honestly just Makes her work look invisible. Two) you seem very let down by your agreement that you’d do no more work. This seems unfair to me for two reasons. You are the parent. You will always have more work with a second child. Even if she said she’d do it all. That’s dumb. You’re a parent too. You two shouldn’t have made that agreement. What if she got sick? Died? Come on. Two: people change. People learn. Sometimes things aren’t what they seem. Life is not so black and white or justice based. Maybe she thought she could do all the work. Maybe she did it so your oldest could have a sib. She can be wrong. She can change. You’re both human.