fair! I didn’t intend to write the post to get validation, I think I wanted to vent & see if others have through similar situations and how they coped. I edited out most of the specific relationship stuff bc I don’t think it was relevant but I will respond to some of the general points. summary at the bottom once again.

I never said she sucks, I don’t know her. I’m not in the business of tearing other women down, I’m comparing myself to her bc of my own issues & I don’t understand. the examples I listed are the qualities/traits I could perceive from some of her social media, I don’t know how kind she is or thoughtful etc. I’m being judgmental bc from the traits I can see she just doesn’t seem that great. most of my exes have gfs who I really respect & can say are better than me based on things you can compare. also this isn’t some random girl, there are obvious reasons for being obsessive, irrational, judgmental, etc or however my post is painting me

I think ‘achievements’ are pretty relevant in dating though, especially given the current culture. a doctor is perceived differently than a cashier & I’m not saying it’s justifiable or fair, but I’m pointing out that everyone is judgmental whether they’re aware of it or not. it also doesn’t mean the cashier is doomed to a life of disrespect or loneliness. I only recently graduated from uni and got this great job, I’ve been insecure about poverty/class/status my whole life bc people absolutely see you differently.

on a side note with the achievements, I feel kind of frustrated bc I feel like dudes often say they like smart girls or passionate girls, until those girls disagree with them. the dudes I’ve dated have pretty much all complimented me on having a hard major & ambitious goals, yet I sometimes feel like it’s a disadvantage in the end (w respect to dating, I’m still ambitious), so it feels personal when the next girl they date doesn’t seem smart. this girl may be smarter than me, who knows & it’s hard to quantify anyway bc people are smart in different ways. I think from a superficial level that I’m smarter & again, my comparison of myself to this random girl isn’t healthy in the first place. have you never had petty thoughts about an ex’s SO?

I only brought up my ethnicity bc I’m acknowledging a privilege I have in dating. in the same way Asian men statistically have a more difficult time dating, I think white women have an easier time. my ethnicity has a lot of stereotypes that are perceived positively & I acknowledge that eurocentric features are an unfair privilege in dating. yea, people are into what they’re into, but we live in a society that upholds a certain look to be the standard of beauty & everyone is influenced by that unfortunately. I don’t think acknowledging my white privilege is the same as being proud of my race. I don’t really feel the need to defend myself on the internet on this but I don’t consider myself racist.

I’m annoyed about it w this girl bc she’s the equivalent of a weeb with Russia instead. I don’t know how West Asian people feel with white people acting like they’re Asian but for me, I feel annoyed when people borrow the convenient or fun parts of my culture without having to deal with any of the negative repercussions. & why is it more attractive? otherwise I grew up in the states & am super Americanized so your other points don’t really apply to my situation, but I’m annoyed that this white girl can borrow my culture & get away with it bc it’s quirky

I’m absolutely comparing & overanalyzing & engaging in unattractive & obsessive behaviors; this is an eating disorder sub. If I could turn traits like that off at will, maybe I wouldn’t be here

look, the bottom line here is that the other girl is not even relevant. I wrote that late at night when I was upset so it would have been great if I could be more succinct or direct but I wasn’t

my issue is that despite working on every other aspect of myself, despite having these achievements & talents, despite being a kind & empathetic person (when I’m not writing insane posts on reddit on strangers I guess), despite being funny & thoughtful & ambitious & working towards being a better person all the time, it always feels like none of this matters unless I am thin. it feels like no matter how much I work on self-improvement & how much I grow as a person, the only thing that really matters is being thin, that the only way people will even recognize those other traits is if one is thin in the first place. I think I’m still far from perfect & if being thin for me was as easy as dieting maybe I wouldn’t have had this disorder for 10+ years. so I’m asking for advice on how to deal with the concept of all of a person’s self-worth (viewed by society) being based on thinness? I feel like everything else I’ve worked towards is irrelevant because none of it matters until I am thin, how do I cope w that?

logically I know that that’s not true but those are thoughts I deal with all the time. should I need to make another reddit post just to be taken seriously?