Hey man.

I also have PTSD.

Id advise you to read the book 'the body keeps the score' by Bessel Van Der Kolk. Your thinking on trauma needs a refresh for me - particularly the part about 'but I know I'm stuck with it for good'. This isn't untrue, but that doesn't mean you're stuck with the symptoms forever either. I hate to see someone with my same disorder who doesn't know the power of bottom-up regulation in controlling and calming their symptoms, because it's insanely effective.

At any rate, I hope you're able to find your peace - I have just made a huge breakthrough, and despite being more aware than ever about the things that trigger me, the effect those triggers are having on me has never been lower - I'm able to truly content with them as a conscious, ok adult.

I also want to say - man you've lined yourself up for more trauma with that job there huh? I really respect you for being in that career - it's obviously something you're well trained at - dealing with the horrors of human suffering.

Good luck, and again, hope you find your peace.