Unfortunately, it took me most of my life to see my mother for what she is because my entire life (last child, only girl in 3 generations ten years after 3 boys) was as a scapegoat for her incapacity (she was/is very mentally ill), Dad protected me in his way, but he enabled her. Wasn't until he was dying of a brain injury that he apologized, but I began having seizures (because my body knew I was being left with its original abusers). It may actually be too late for me, but if I can share about my experience to some of you who are younger so that you can see your own goodness and the lies of your mothers (or other abusers) then this terribly difficult, confusing life will have some meaning. XXOO sending you some love from a woman who has stood up to life despite her scars.

There is a movie, Boudica Warrior Queen, starring Alex Kingston. I'm sure you can find it for free. Boudica is a good reminder of what we survivors are made of. Thank you for replying. It has been a very bad day, week, year, decade for me.