I went to an end of the year party for my wife's job on the Saturday after Christmas a few days before New Years. She worked for a Gastroenterologist. I had been constipated all day long and it was killing me from the inside. I was in the bathroom most of the night clenching at dying. I was only 26 but my family has a history of IBS, constipation and eventually colon cancer in both my grand parents on my mothers side.
Of course, I'm doing this at a party with some top doctors who aren't shy about sticking their fingers up peoples buts and I think this just added to the IBS. I told my wife, "Don't tell anyone I'm in the bathroom!".
I worked Sunday-Wednesday 12 hour shifts 90 miles away. I was finally able to get my wife to leave. I had to be up and out the door in 6 hours to work. On our way home I go to the store and I get a laxative. There are two kinds, one that works in 6-8 hours and one that works in 15 minutes. The difference between the two is which end it went in. I went with the 6-8 hour one because of... reasons.
I get home and I take the laxative, I'm still in the bathroom. I feel I make some a little headway in there and I go to bed. I get up in the morning and start driving to work. There is literally nothing between my house and work. Straight desert highway.
I'm making good time and I'm about 20 minutes away from work when I break into a hot sweat, stomach is grumbling and its sharp striking pains just like in dumb and dumber. My only option is to pull off the highway and shit in the desert. I wasn't that desperate yet. I start to go faster. I'm now at about 105 mph and told myself ,"If I get pulled over I'm just going to shit my pants and pray the cop takes pity."
I make off the ramp and into my companies parking lot. Needless to say its a network operation center for a very large financial institution and so secure we have security guards and a metal detector. I know the Guard.
I drop my bags, keys and coat and tell him ,"Dude, I gotta use the bathroom" and walk through the metal detector.
As I round the corner to the bathrooms I feel complete loss of control and its starting to stream. I push open the bathroom door, head for the stall and while my sphincter is toast, my cheeks have some life in them. I don't know when I did it but my belt was unbuckled, and my pants were half way down as I had entered the stall. I turned my ass towards the toilet and it was full on spray of all the toilet and the wall.
I shit for about a good 30 minutes, it seemed like my body had gone septic and I was shitting rotted organs because that was all left. When I finished I start examining my pants and the insides are pure shit from ass to heel.
I take them all off. Make a bolt for the door to the bathroom and I dead bolt it. Thank god for that dead bolt. I throw my underwear in the garbage. I take my pants and turn them inside out and proceed to wash them in the sink. Shit everywhere. I get all the shit off of them and put a roll of paper towels on the floor and on my pants on top. I took another roll and put them on top of my pants and I stand on them as I clean the sink with more paper towels. Pants are partially dry. I turn them back right side out and put them on.
It's 6:15am, I'm already late for work so I drive 10 miles to a Walmart in the area. Nobody is in there but people stocking stuff. I grab underwear, pants and socks.
I get back to work at 6:45 (had to be there by 6:30) and I clock in. I immediately leave my desk and go shower at the onsite gym. I get redressed in my Walmart outfit and go back to my desk by about 7:15.
In the end, you aren't a man to you've shit yourself at least once.