'm trans. I just joined a gym a month ago after gaining close to 90 pounds, primarily from debilitating anxiety and depression resulting from the way I've been treated by my workplace, family, and society in general. Luckily, I've remained relatively passable.
Study after study has shown actual distinct biological differences in the brains of trans people. Trans men (FTM) and trans women (MTF), do in fact, have multiple brain structures that much more closely resemble their cisgender peers that share the same gender identity, than those of their birth sex.
Now, imagine yourself in our shoes. You’ve known your gender identity since you were three, almost since you learned to talk. You’ve spent a lifetime segregated from your peers, unable to take part in all of the wonderful activities they take for granted, in my case my fellow Gen X women. You’ve faced rampant discrimination. In my case, and for most trans people, this includes the denial of medical benefits that would have allowed me to obtain surgery 2 years ago, had the benefit not been arbitrarily denied from my “inclusive” employer. That’s very, very painful. No one wants me to have a gender-congruent body more than me. I live my entire life as a woman. I “pass” as a woman. I have a court order declaring me legally female. My license says female. I have natural breasts. All of my friends have only known me as female. Guys hit on me like any other girl, or at least they did when I was thinner.
When I use a locker room, the last thing I want is to be reminded that I’m “different”. The last person who wants anyone to see my genitalia is me. I despise my incongruent body. It’s extremely depressing. I change my bottoms in the bathroom stall (I’m not the only woman who does). I’ve showered in one of the regular private shower stalls in the ladies’ locker room, where I dressed before exiting. No one sees anything. I’d be mortified if they did. When we get ready to go out after a workout, I put my make-up on and do my hair in the mirror with my cisgender best friend. In short, I’m a modest girl, but I’m a GIRL.
At what point do I willingly extend to a stranger, veto power over my dignity? Why should I? I’ve known who I am since I was 3. I’ve fought depression, anxiety, discrimination, suicidal thoughts, loss of income, and loss of family to be the best authentic me I know how to be. I’ve grown more as a person, and understand the human condition, better than 99% of the world can even imagine. My many close friends all know my trans history and seem to adore me - both men and women. (Which still baffles me). Why should someone else’s prejudice, bias, lack of education, insecurity, or discomfort hold sway over my dignity? This country doesn’t segregate minorities, and deny dignity, based on the personal prejudicial whims of an individual. Why should I willingly subject myself and my dignity to that? Her ignorance is hers, and hers alone. She owns it. She could do the research and reading. She could reach out to my community to understand. If she’s made no effort to educate herself, that’s on her. America became widely aware of gender transition in 1953 – 62 years ago! That’s before she was ever born. How much longer should we have to wait for our dignity to be respected?
My platonic girlfriend and I work out together, do Zumba together, learn yoga together, laugh together, cry together, and work through our individual love problems together. Why should we be prevented from using a locker room together and doing our makeup and hair together, because someone is “uncomfortable” with something they don’t understand?
Why aren’t people who harbor prejudice and lack of understanding of trans people expected to self-segregate themselves? She’s more than welcome to self-segregate and use the private changing area. Why should any stranger, including her, be given veto power to segregate me, to separate me from my cisgender friends? Our society no longer accepts that treatment for any other minority, but for some reason, trans people are supposed to be "OK" with being the exception. They want veto power over my dignity and inclusion. Well guess what? I’ve worked too hard, suffered too long, and given up too much to simply concede that.
My testosterone levels are far lower than my cis female peers, and have been for a long time. My estrogen levels are at pregnancy range. I have a female brain, and I am female. I’m at risk of crying and being emotional. I’m not at risk of harming anyone.
This woman needs to educate herself, not body shame others in a gym they've joined to better themselves.