When I get upset, sometimes he jumps to the conclusion that it is always 100% caused by him somehow, and he feels guilty/resentful, like my expectations of him are super high and he isn’t enough for me just being himself.

It’s only recently become apparent to him this year that he has had and continues to have depression, which coupled with this shitty job he’s been enduring for several years, has made him exhausted and feeling bad about himself. I think it’s a case of low self esteem/big or otherwise easily wounded ego, and he and I have had some tension over the years about division of labor around the house. Somehow I wonder if I am or have unconsciously become part of his trauma (his father was abusive but he only just came to understand how bad it really was. Before me his first previous girlfriend abused the shit out of him and I had to remind him sometimes that she and I were two different people.) Whereas he and his new partner haven’t really had a serious fight as of yet, and she has offered him some healing when it comes to be validated and understood.