2nd grade- this is a memory that been melded to my mind and while i chuckle at it now; i would've invited death had it presented itself at that moment.

20 minutes left in class before recess. i'm wearing my favourite black corduroy pants. gurgle my stomach starts to bubble. something doesn't feel right- i raise my hand "Ms Main? can i use the washroom?". i'm told that i cannot and i will have to wait until recess.

5 minutes pass, gurgle the bubbles are enraging. the dreaded shit-sweats begin; that's when you know you are not long for this world- or at least your asshole won't be able to clench much longer.

i approach the teacher's desk- she must sense my desperation and allows me to go this time. unfortunately the washroom is on the other side of the building- like the hunchback of notre dame who just got kicked in the nuts, i shuffle-run my way to salvation. the sound of my corduroy pants swishes and echoes in the halls.

sweat-soaked and anus quivering i push open the door- i've made it... almost. in my relief, i allow myself a small fart; a mistake that will haunt my youth. i feel warm shit burst into my loins and rush into my socks and shoes- i leave a trail of my shame from the entrance of the washroom into my stall. i am horrified and wiping furiously when suddenly the entrance opens; i pause my wiping like a scared mouse sensing a predator.

slow footsteps. the intruder enters the stall adjacent to my own. i am stil cowering in silence. "HAHAHAH!!!" AGHAST i look up and there is a boy peering over the side of the stall wall. As quickly as he appeared, he is gone. i wipe as much as i can and toss out my underwear and socks. i wash my shoes in the sink. i am sure that i will be shamed out of the school.

i return to class with about 2 minutes before recess and sit quietly in my chair. "what's that smell?" "something STINKS!" "is that a skunk??" the odor, which i had not accounted for was permeating throughout the room. no one had identified me... yet. RRRIIINGG saved by the bell. everyone rushes out in glee- i sit silently as the teacher approaches me with remorse. she apologizes profusely for not allowing me to use the washroom. she calls my parents- i'm picked up; my mom lays down plastic bags for me to sit on.

to his credit- the boy he caught me never said anything to anyone (to my knowledge). i would see him every so often, and he would smile knowingly at me- but that was it.

i never wore my black corduroy pants again.