I've had not one but two CU accounts forever, and I honestly have no idea why I'm hanging on to the others.

I hate my main bank (Chase, but not like it matters) so goddamn much. I really only bank there out of laziness and nostalgia. They were the first bank I ever had. My mom walked me in there when I was 10 and it was still Chase Manhattan, and they took my li'l box of change and ones and gave me a kid's account (they had those back then; the original no-fee checing account) and treated me like an adult and everything. It sounds dumb, but… it was a proud day.

Fuck, I feel like I'm talking about a hundred years ago or some alternate universe or something. It was the mid-80s.

Today? Today they won't let you pay off your own fucking balances, so they can milk you on the interest. I call them up and they're all, "ohhh sorry, this is our policy?" and I'm like "okay but no it's not, because your website says otherwise, and so does my customer agreement, and oh yeah also there is a fucking act of Congress in place that says you can't do thi— no, stfu, I literally have all three open right in front of me [reads relevant url/paragraph/federal law]." Three and half hours of this, four please-hold-while-I-transfer-yous, until they finally cave… of course without admitting any wrongdoing, as it were. Framed it like they were doing me some awesome favor, bending this ironclad "company rule." (As a thank-you, I reported their bullshit to the AG.) This is how they do business now. Just fully balls-out illegal.

Ugh. I think I just talked myself out of big banks for good. ATMs on every corner just isn't worth this.