[PUBQ] Query critique: THE BLOODY KIDS, Adult dark comedy, 99k

There is so much to love here. The A-side, B-side, Bootlegs structure. The Beatles inspo. Microwaved tea. The supernatural twist. Your writing isn't great. I had to read this a few times to make sense of what the story was. I'm not going to address the query here, but the book instead. (Which, to be harsh, likely needs a re-write.)

Joe is your protagonist. Start with him. Everyone else will be a caricature. (That's ok.) I need to know more about Joe. I'd prefer to see the book structured opening with the Official Story (the A-side), interspersed with Joe's real thoughts, (The B-side). Maybe Joe goes home at night and for his own therapy, jots down the real events of the day--after we've already read the sugar-coated version. Behind the scenes, the band is falling apart, everyone's fucking each other, drugs, etc. etc. He's sick of their shit.

Twenty-five years later, the band has faded from the hits, and Joe discovers his old notes. Now that the band is no longer the darling of England, he decides to publish. It's a huge hit. He's rich, he's happy, he's finally achieved the success his friends did so many years ago.

Sure, maybe he feels bad, for destroying his friends, but he tells himself, they deserved it, right? No one made them behave like famous degenerates...

Until he takes a look at those old notes again.

/r/PubTips Thread