My first honest to god job was delivering pizza for this teeny little joint in a one stop light town of 3000. The manager was a rageaholic who liked to throw things and slap his employees. He was a big guy and pretty used to getting or intimidating his way through everything that he didn't like.
So one day I'm rolling out pans and he goes off about how I'm not doing it fast enough. I say 'okay boss I'll try to go faster.' Cue the usual bluster, which I shrugged at. He threw the pizza cutter at me. Now, you might think, hey, what's so bad about a pizza cutter? For those of you who've never worked at a pizza place, the cutter was one of these things. Fortunately for me his aim was awful. I managed not to freak out, calmly picked up the cutter and held it up like I might throw it back. The guy is raging what the fuck am I doing and I calmly explain that he just threw a blade at me. Assault with a deadly weapon. On a minor. My uncle is the chief of police, my step-dad is a patrolman, and not one single person that worked there would support his bullshit story over mine because he was an abusive cockgobbling shitbag. I've never seen someone go pale and stfu so fast in my life. He wasn't from around town, so he had no idea who I was.
I then proceeded to walk out the door and down the street to the police department thirty feet away. Dad was working that afternoon, so the secretary paged him in. I gave him the cutter and explained what happened. He made me write a report and called my uncle in. They both walked over and 'explained things' to my boss, small town style. I don't know what they said or did because I was busy writing my report.
When they came back, they had two pizzas, one for me and one for them. We munched while they read my report. My uncle said I needed to give the cops lessons in report writing and asked me if I wanted to press charges. Hell yes I did. So we finished pizza and we all went back over so dad could take witness statements and my uncle cuffed the jackhole.
Charges were aggravated assault, assault of a minor, reckless endangerment, and attempted second degree murder. I feel kind of bad admitting this now, but I had a definite sense of glee watching that fat asshole blubber and wail.
The judge was an old family friend, so he took a rather dim view of F.A and gave him the maximum. His lawyer plead him out of the murder 2 and he got seven years for the rest. His wife tried to make a go of running the place, but didn't really know what she was doing. She must have been grateful though, because I was allowed to have one free pizza a month up until she sold the place.
