I literally explained why. He genuinely believed because he had previously told me he was into BDSM and “rough” and stuff that I was fully putting on a show for him. I was only 18, vulnerable and trying to impress by agreeing to anal in the first place when I knew I didn’t want it, when it started happening I immediately pulled away and told him to stop and that’s when he carried on and the rest happened as I describe. I remember it vividly. It was my first year in uni up north, I was 18, he had just come out of an operation when I met him on tinder (we all learn from our mistakes lol) but yeah. He was a massive giant dumbass with a tiny brain and as soon as he realised he was hurting me and my screams were real, he immediately stopped. Said sorry. I never saw him again.
If I had gone to the police it would have ruined his life. He was ignorant. He was stupid. He raped me. It was not on purpose. Just because he wasn’t doing it intentionally doesn’t mean I wasn’t raped however, that’s shocking to me that someone would go to the police in that scenario. To me, that’s like somebody calling somebody something racist but not knowing it’s a racist term. Yes they are an ignorant dumbass, but if they straight up apologise and say they didn’t know and that they won’t do it again, you don’t then go around telling everybody they’re a racist pig, even if the word still hurt you, the intention wasn’t there so it would be cruel to ruin a reputation over it.
Yes, I was a bit more hurt than that. I bled for days. But, you know, it would be his entire life I would be ruining for something I knew was a mistake on his part. I was still raped, however, by any definition of the word.
Fair enough, you don’t have to believe anything you read online. I want you to think about what I’d gain for making all this up though. I only even brought it up to explain about how rape statistics aren’t always accurate because for various reasons people won’t go to the police. I decided to share my story and tbh I’m not that sorry I did because it’s shown me a side to this website that’s making me reconsider using it at all.