Relationship for a BPD girl

Ohh on a weekly basis? Don’t get me wrong. I idealise suicide on a DAILY basis. I’m am temporarily living separately from my partner and I can’t cope. I cut my wrists on alternate nights. I abuse alcohol and antidepressants/ drowsy antihistamines. I think of at least 7 methods of suicide on a daily basis. I have “psychache”, like heart palpitations and an intense pain in heart and mind. Like I just want to end it and end my life. Jump in front of a train or overdose on meds or stab myself in the chest with a pair of scissors. I did try overdose 2 nights ago but just blacked out for 20 hours, still alive it seems. I only recently started therapy but I have doubts as to whether anything can really help. Daily functioning is a fucking struggle and most of the time I wish I was never born. Living separately from Him is the only reason I felt compelled to write this stupid post. Triggering for you but for me it’s the relationship dynamic I live with. Sensationalised, oh because I omitted the details of self harm and substance abuse and suicidal ideation? Those are daily realities for me too bro, but I am strictly expressing how a RELATIONSHIP functions for me personally as a girl with BPD. I am not discussing living with the disorder in and of itself. Only in the context of a relationship with another human. If that’s sensationalised for you then… I don’t know what to say. Sorry you feel that way. But your comment is misplaced. This isn’t sensationalised. It’s reality and it’s extremely dysfunctional. I don’t have any long term goals or aspirations. The only thing keeping me from killing myself is Him, he is all I have. And it’s a very motherfucking painful existence, constantly assuming he’ll cheat on me or abandon me at any moment.

/r/BPD Thread Parent