I apologize if this is kind of a stretch, but I feel kind of applies.

I once suffered from very bad social anxiety and agoraphobia, as such pretty much my only friends were online. I eventually met and became best friends with a girl a year younger than myself who was wheelchair bound, and home schooled.

We were both each others emotional supports, we kept each other going. We spent almost every day together on Skype, and after about 5 years, she was having a really rough go at home. I did my best to be there for her, but I wasn't there for her enough I guess, because she took her life 5 years ago.

Her only real life friend was the one who got a hold of me to let me know she had passed. She went on to tell me that she left behind 3 letters, one for me, one for the friend, and a general one that basically outed her step-dad as a drug dealer, and her mom as a drug addict, and how the State did nothing to help her.

The friend was never a fan of me, and when she contacted me, tried to blame me for my best friend's suicide, and then told me she read the letter to me, but wasn't going to let me read her letter.

Well this year, the friend managed to track me down on Skype, apologized for how she had treated me, and gave me a copy of the letter, but insisted that I never read it, as it would only hurt me.

I stared at the letter for days, debating if I should read it or not. Finally after a few sleep depraved nights, I read the letter, and it crushed me. I realized in hindsight, that I should of showed some respect, and not read the letter. If she wanted me to hear the things she wrote down, she would of put them in my letter, or put my name on that letter too.

It's been a little under a month since I read the letter. I still can't get more than 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night. I reached out to a program my work offers to talk to someone anonymously about any issues I might be having outside of work. Just trying to take everything one day at a time.